Here’s the exchange as it has taken place, the last TWO times:
Fatty: Next! (smiling)
Me: I will have a Venti Iced Tea Lemonade, with Black Tea, Unsweetened.
I hold my exact change ($3.22) in my outstretched palm, so she knows I’m a serious customer, (not loitering or pranking).
Fatty: An “Arnold Palmer”? (still smiling daftly)
--There is no mention of “Arnold Palmer” on their menu, so why does she insist on correcting me? Clearly she thinks her connecting the nickname to the drink is an amusing footnote. I am not amused.--
Me: Yes.
Fatty: Black Tea or Passion? (still smiling)
--Let’s enumerate the ridiculousness of this question: 1) Who would want passion tea mixed with lemonade? Someone who as a child was allowed to order Bubblegum Ice Cream at Baskin Robbins. 2) Did I not already specify my choice of Tea? --
Me: Black Tea.
Fatty: Your name? (still smiling – ridiculous!)
Me: Ricky.
At this point, her nubby sausage fingers manage to scribble out the word Ricky on the cup. I can see clearly she hasn’t denoted my “syrup” preference in the “syrup” box. Both she and I know that this means the other barrista will put three squirts of sugar syrup into my Iced Tea Lemonade – a concept so absurd – Is lemonade no longer the operative sweetening agent in this drink? Are we living in a developing country that equates sugar content with monetary value? I can only imagine she wants me to catch diabetes so we will have something to bond over in ten years while she is still smiling like an idiot.
Me: I said UN – Sweetened!
Fatty: Un-sweetened. (not smiling)
I stare at her with daggers. She acts as if I didn’t already specify “un-sweetened” when the whole world knows I did.
Fatty: Okay. Your drink will be ready in a minute, Ricky. (she smiles)
Does she think that smiling would cause me to overlook her gross incompetence and give her a tip? If the other patrons who had filled the square plexi tip jar to this point knew what kind of service she had just given me, they would certainly rescind there gratuities. That is what I suggested on my comment card anyway.
