I Hate Text Messages

If you ask me a question on text message it better have a yes or no answer. The word “why” should not appear in a text message. “Why?” you ask... Because “why” is a conversation, and I’m not going to sit around trying to spell words with numbers (this was probably the subject of more than one Sartre play), because you are afraid I’m going to yell at you. Because I probably will yell at you. And your winky emoticon does nothing but enrage me. Next time you send me a text message, I’m going to send you a telegram, but it’s not going to be transcribed into words. It’s just going to be a series of clicks. And those clicks are going to be filled with my hate.